I’ve always known I wanted to be a mother, after all, mine is my best friend.
I knew it would be hard, I knew it would be rewarding, I do have three nephews and two nieces….BUT, I didn’t know HOW hard, and HOW rewarding it would be.
My son was born two months early. I was not prepared at all for the sudden preterm labor. I was not prepared at all to be a mom. The list goes on and on, but what I did have, was maternal/survival instincts.
Having my first child in the NICU, was something I never ever imagined would happen to me. As hard as it was to get through it, it was also rewarding in ways. I learned how to care for my baby, I learned how to leave my baby, because I had to, and I learned how to be a mother with professionals standing by guiding and teaching me.
I can still remember the first time I got to truly hold my son, the way he smelled, and the way my heart burst out of my soul with love for him.
Right from the start I had to learn that most of parenting, is out of my control. Having Parker two months early, not being able to take him home, waiting for him to grow and eat on his own…..From day one, all I could do, was do my best, and I think every single parent on this earth knows what I’m talking about.And then we finally got to take Parker home, and wound up back in the NICU for another week. My heart was holding on to many, many, strings by this point. But, we got through it, because as a parent, you have no choice. We had our baby two months early, spent a month in the NICU, and bought our first home all within a month’s time span. Not the plan we had hoped for, but the cards we were dealt with.
To be a mother, is to put someone else first, forever. Sometimes when people ask me how I’m doing as a mother, I say that the hardest part is realizing that from these moments on, it is never about me. I actually have to remind myself sometimes when I’m walking into walls, and can’t remember what day it is, and think I can catch up on sleep another day, that I can’t. There is no other day, I have a newborn who needs me. That is some serious Sh*t, especially because I love sleep! But, it’s a phase, kind of….
Let’s just say I get it now, all of it. Being a mother is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done, as to be expected, but it’s also what life is about. I’ve always known I wanted a family, but didn’t realize how it is the ONLY thing that I’ve really ever wanted. It seemed like a normal dream when I didn’t have it, but now that I do, I can’t imagine life any other way. It’s the good stuff, it’s why we are here on this planet. Sure there other factors that make life grand, but sorry to say, being a parent is the greatest one for me, and I’ve only touched the ice berg.
So forgive me if my head is in a fog and I tell you I have “mom brain”, because I do, and probably always will. It’s not that we are “dumb”, or forgetful (well maybe a little)…it’s that our brains have completely morphed into thinking of another person first, our child. My day consists of feeding Parker, loving Parker, loving my husband, changing Parker, maybe finding time to pee, and feeding myself because that is how Parker eats….Put that on repeat, and that’s my week. Sometimes it feels like groundhog day, but I know it’ll change in many, magical and insane ways through all of the phases of being a mother.
To be a mother, is the most rewarding, heart string tugging, zombie like gift of life. To be a mother, is to live this life with meaning and truly become someone else, someone’s mother.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mothers out there, I salute you this year with a large glass of mommy juice, and maybe a few more too with a cheers to pump and dump kind of loving way. You have my deepest respect, and it’s an honor to be part of your club. I get it now, I get this thing called life.
And a happy mother’s day to my mother, my best friend, my mentor, the reason I wanted to always be a mom…..The woman who gave birth to two daughters, but wound up raising five children, a leader, a lioness….
I sure do come from a long line of amazingly strong women….
and in turn strong children….
And to my son, thank you Parker Steven Hrynio for choosing me to be your mother.
Namaste, and Rock On!