It has been said that every pregnancy is different from the next. In some ways I’m counting on that to be true, and in most ways, I’m already witnessing it to be.
With my first pregnancy, up until my son made his surprise visit two months early, things were kind of rainbows and unicorns. I recorded my bump every week, every milestone, wrote in my journal, and I pretty much thought I was invincible. I wasn’t aware of “fear” yet, I just kept an open mind about the actual birth process (thank god), and I carried on life really close to how I had not pregnant, minus the coffee and wine.
This time, it’s oh so very, very different, in more ways then I can count. To sum it up most directly, I had read this somewhere and it has stuck with me ever since. With my first, I was a pregnant woman, with my second, I’m a MOM, who just happens to be pregnant. I’m NOT complaining, but for those who have more then one child, maybe you can relate. Sometimes I miss the innocence of having my first, and sometimes I already miss the alone time I have with my first that will forever be changed….and all the time, I miss those naps!
With my first, I worked out every day, ate well, and really had a pretty simple pregnancy with minor aches/pains/annoyances, up until he came out early. With this pregnancy, I was sick from the beginning, and counting….. I now give every mom on this planet even MORE props then I already have, because wow, we are rock stars. Raising a one year old on little sleep, working nights, and SICK from being pregnant is NO joke. The juice is soooo worth the squeeze, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but wow, things are oh so different.
This time, I’m not invincible. For the most part I’m too tired to be scared all the time, but trust me, sometimes I freak out when I try to figure out when the baby will come, or when I’ll get to “prepare” this time. Because of my past, I can’t help but to think and move with precaution. I know when my due date is, but I don’t really talk about it, and I kind of make mental notes in my head to not plan ANYTHING at least two months in advance from that date. If I think about it too much, I freak out, so I truly just don’t. I think about the positive.
The positive is this time I have a lot of appointments, and believe it or not, I LOVE going to my high risk doctor! I get to see the baby every two weeks, and even more importantly, I get peace of mind. I’m not really sure what’s going to happen when they cut me off that path that I’ve been on, but I assume my OBGYN will be seeing more …I hope. Who knew I would like to going to the doctor’s office? I do, no, I love it.
This time, I also have a TODDLER. He’s not a baby anymore people, he’s almost 17 months and a complete tornado when he’s awake. I adore him more then words, but he is definitely a HUGE personality, who is into EVERYTHING. I used to get things done when he napped during his first year of life. Now when he naps, I lay down and pray for sleep too. I barely work out, I’m too freaked out. I walk. It’s good for my son Parker, and great for me. I try to do yoga when I can, but nothing like how I did the first time I was pregnant. I’m not trying to prove to myself that I’m still me, just a pregnant me. This time, I’m just trying to cook that baby as best as I can, and I truly have little care in my self needs. I know I have the rest of my life to work out and get back into the Lindsay groove, this is a time in my life when I need to slow down, and cook.
It’s all different this time, but it should be. That’s life. No two people or two roads are ever exactly the same. This is a new journey, with a new support system, and yes some innocence gone, but with that, comes more wisdom. When I start to get scared, I just dream about decorating her nursery, or seeing my husband with a daughter, or heck seeing me with a daughter. I focus on the light, I focus on the love. After anyone has gone through a hardship, there are always walls of protection stacked up, but keeping a calm mind has always been my number one goal this time around. I lean on the love, and the love is everywhere.
Namaste, and Rock On!