Did you ever notice that everything happens at once, or not at all, or babies only sleep when you don’t want them to, and are awake when you need them to sleep, and I could go on…..?
That is the kind of week, month, year, I’ve been having. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been AMAZING, but definitely beating on its own drum with the whole timing part of it. For example, my son is turning one on March 10th, and we had a joint family birthday party for him, and my nephew who turned one on February 24th, this past weekend. It was a wonderful day all in all, and we had SO much family there to love and support us, as they’ve done the whole year. In fact, we had so much family there between all of us, we kept the guest list to predominately family, because otherwise we probably would’ve had to rent out Yankee Stadium. Parker IS the mayor of NJ, didn’t you know?
I truly did enjoy myself, but for the most part, I was baby wearing my son at the party, because he was missing his nap, and under the weather. Of course, sick at his own birthday party, when the rest of the time he’s an insanely happy perky little baby boy! Murphy’s law.
Then there was YESTERDAY. Our first trip to the ER with my baby boy. It’s not that bad, don’t get scared, it just was a Sunday, and we didn’t want to wait until Monday to get him to the doctor. I’m assuming missing his nap and stimulating the crap out of him on Saturday didn’t help his immune system, and low and behold on Saturday night, we had a very sick feverish boy. Our first fever actually, right in time for his birthday week. All in all, it wasn’t THAT bad of a trip to the ER. My son was insanely lethargic, feverish, crying in hysterics, and couldn’t breathe, so they used a nebulizer, Tylenol, a hospital grade snot sucker, and he was happy and flirting with the women in no time. It was literally night and day from when we got there, to when we got home with our baby boy.
Ironically, he planned his first trip to the ER right on time for mommy to deal with some PTSD issues surrounding his birth. You see, when I went to the hospital on 3/8/16 in preterm labor, I didn’t know I was going there, with only headphones in my purse, to not return again for almost a week. I also didn’t know that when we got our baby boy home from the NICU three weeks after he was born, I’d bring him to the childrens hospital for a nonsense rash, and not return home with him, again. Let me tell you something, those TWO events at the hospital REALLY did a number on my soul.
My conscious mind knew last night that Parker would be okay, that we were only going to the ER because it was a Sunday, but that didn’t stop my heart, and my nerves. I think I was as bright red in the hospital last night as a tomato. I was dying inside, but trying to hold myself together on the outside. I was AFRAID to take Parker to the ER last night, I was afraid that we would return home without him, again. When we had decided to take him, I rushed around the house getting his bottle, food, snacks, etc, and I literally thought to myself, “Should I pack clothes, my contact solution/case, my makeup. Should I pack for a few nights…” These aren’t the most logical thoughts of a mommy, but they are to a PREEMIE mommy. Not only a preemie mommy, but one who got her son out of the NICU, and then had to readmit him a week later for a rash that turned out to be NOTHING.
All in all, it wasn’t a terrible time. In fact, our nurse from the NICU who I talk to regularly still, and always will, happened to be working and visited us in the ER. Part of me felt like nothing had changed seeing her in her scrubs checking on us, but most of me knew that EVERYTHING had changed. I was told to ask for a friend of mine’s wife if we got admitted to the PICU, and I wanted to throw up. As great as it is to know people in the hospital, would I be reliving my fate from last year, the same week this year, all over again? No, No I wouldn’t, and no I didn’t. We left that ER last night, I think my husband and I were both SHOCKED, and I never felt more relieved than I did to pull out of that parking lot, then I did last night….okay well maybe last year’s escape was better…
Everything reminded me of one year ago this week, the soap, the smell, the bathrooms, the people, it was like being in the twilight zone, only I am stronger now. I was not where I was a year ago, and I never will be again. I was upset to have to take Parker to the ER, I was petrified of not returning home, but I am VERY happy that we did it, I made it out undamaged, we ALL made it out, and I faced my fears head on, the way the universe timed it out for me to do so.
I will look back on this anniversary week of mine, and hold a lot of love in my heart. It was the scariest time of my life, but we came out of it so, so, strong. Parker strong.
Happy birthday week Parker Steven Hrynio, you complete our lives in ways we can’t express into words. You are the happiest, silliest, loving little one year old, and being your mama has made me a better version of myself. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama, oh and thanks for learning how to say mama, TODAY!
Rock on, and Namaste!