The storm of last week

I think I can finally talk about last week now.  I didn’t want to post anything, or talk about it to too many people when I was in the storm of last week, because I couldn’t handle fielding questions/answers, and well all of it.  It was too much for me.  Having a child two months early, closing on a house, leaving the NICU …..and then going back to the NICU.

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Yup, you read those words right.  After having our baby home for a week and starting to get into a rhythm of being parents, we were admitted back to the NICU.  Don’t get me wrong, I know things can always be worse, I’m not complaining, but hey this is my blog spot, and writing about it is somewhat therapeutic.  To me, it was one of the worst weeks of my life.  It wasn’t like the first time in the NICU, where my baby just had to grow and get bigger, and learn how to eat on his own.  This was a week where we didn’t know what was wrong with Parker, and just being admitted back, was a total mind #$%@.

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Last Saturday I had noticed a red spot on Parker’s head, I honestly just figured he’d bumped it in the night time, because I woke up and it was there, and it hadn’t been there Friday.  I was nervous about him sleeping in a big cradle as such a tiny peanut, so my mom bought him a smaller bassinet.  Although on Sunday the red mark looked worse.  I called my pediatrician who told me to either take him to the ER (why would I want to bring my premie to the ER), or watch it and make sure he’s acting okay.  I had an appointment Wednesday with my pediatrician so I decided to just watch it.  Monday morning the spot looked better, phew it was healing….Tuesday, it looked REALLY bad.

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I went to my pediatrician, who sent me to a specialist, who admitted me back to the NICU.  It was very overwhelming, and happened pretty quickly.  My mother was with me at the hospital as I of course couldn’t function very well.  I had burst out crying in my pediatrician’s office, and couldn’t stop all day/night.  I had just had my baby home for a week, how did we end up back in the NICU??  They decided to run every test basically known to man, because he was a premie.  Premies are more susceptible to everything, and they wanted to make sure that whatever it was, it was caught early and treated.

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Mike was at school when we got admitted and even though he made the drive to class, he left immediately to come meet us.  My mother, Mike, and I sat in a new hospital room in the NICU, with many familiar faces, all asking WHY we were back.  We didn’t know, and wouldn’t know, and to some extent still don’t know!  We sat there while the doctors started IV’s to treat it incase it was bacterial or viral.  They took samples, blood, even a spinal tap.   I sat in the corner bawling quietly as my baby was being taken away from me for something I had no idea what yet, and no one really did.   To me, it looked like a rash that got infected, it was localized only above his one eye.  BUT, they didn’t take any chance on anything….

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When we got home Tuesday night, I felt a million times worse then I had the first time I left the hospital without my child.  This time was different, we didn’t know WHAT was wrong with our baby, and we had just gotten a taste of freedom.  I sat on the couch with Mike and just cried into his arms while everything around our packed up apt was all about our baby.  His toys/boppy/bassinet/diapers, etc….our apt was Parker, and again, Parker wasn’t with us.  It was just too shocking and painful for me to bear and all I could do was cry.

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Wednesday morning I turned right back into the NICU robot mom I had been for a month.  I couldn’t function in the “real world”, all I could do was wake up and head to the hospital.  This time though, we were in a room that felt like we were quarantined. Since they didn’t know what Parker had, they couldn’t take any chances for the other babies to catch anything.  We were in a room with a closed door.  It felt awful, and I was a MESS.  I could barely pump milk because I was so stressed, but I tried, and I went back into my survival mode.  This pretty much was my life until Friday.

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All of the tests that were done in the Morristown labs all came back negative for EVERYTHING.  But, we had to stay in the hospital until a few send out lab results came back.  They came back finally, all negative.  I think after watching them try to put an IV in for an hour and a half, a spinal tap on Tuesday, and EVERYTHING else, by Friday’s news of every test being negative, I had had enough. I wanted out, some normalcy, and my baby back in my arms.   My nurse was a godsend earth angel, and fought very hard to get us out, and not put an IV in his head when they wanted to give him a last dose of medicine!???  I was able to take Parker home Friday night on oral antibiotics with no answer to what the rash was.   In fact, Mike was at work and when it was time to get Parker out of the hospital, I was asked if I wanted to wait for help from Mike.  I said, “NO. I got this.”  And I did…

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I’ll never know what truly caused the rash on my son’s head.  He never had a fever, it healed very quickly, and all of the tests came back negative.  Sure, we could make assumptions or guesses, but I’d like to just leave it in the back of my mind in a very closed box.   I do love the staff at the NICU, but I hope I don’t see them for a VERY long time, and never back at the NICU unless I’m visiting.

It was a really trying week, I lost a week to pack/settle into the new house.  All I could do was be at my baby’s bedside, again.   But, we are out, again.  We are getting the new house together and hopefully will be living in it as of this weekend.  We have a LOT to be thankful for, and a lot to look forward to. These are the first of many parenthood scares.   Parker’s two journeys in the NICU, have forever changed me, but have also made our bond that much more stronger.   Parker Steven Hrynio, strongest person I know…

And we finally were able to go on a much needed walk, our first over the weekend, of a lifetime of walks and togetherness.

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“Successful mothers aren’t the ones who’ve never struggled.  They’re the ones who never give up despite the struggles”.

Namaste and Rock On!

*Oh I forgot to mention that before we left, Parker not only gave the finger to the doctor who wanted to put an IV in his scalp, but he also had explosive poop all over the entire room, including the computer and all of his wires……fate.

  23 Replies to “The storm of last week”

  1. Amanda Hornick
    April 19, 2016 at 11:22 am

    That was emotional just reading it.
    I remember when Josiah got a horrible virus as an infant and had to be hospitalized. He was so dehydrated from throwing up that his veins were too small to find for the IV. His hands, his feet, his arms, they poked and poked and poked him until he had no tears left. My heart still breaks thinking about it. As such, I can only imagine your stress.
    Mommyhood gives us super strength though, and yours is surely showing. Keep that sh*t up. You are doing amazing. Sending you love.

    • April 19, 2016 at 11:58 am

      ugh yea…..They couldn’t find a vein day one with Parker..he had one in his belly button early on and I couldn’t hold him:( Thanks honey, yes this motherhood thing is no joke! xoxoxo

      • Linda Spear
        April 19, 2016 at 2:57 pm

        You got this lindsay ..what an amazing mom you are..parker is in excellent hands. .

  2. Liv
    April 19, 2016 at 11:22 am

    Oh my. You stayed for the spinal tap? You poor thing.

    When my youngest got out, we were back at the hospital after a week. He had a weird test result come back from when we were in the hospital and they made us come back. It was only one day – but it was not fun.

    We were in a room with another baby – who had a spinal tap while I was in the room. I was so glad that the parents of the child had left, because I was feeding and literally sobbing and trying to restrain myself from going over to punch the doctors (who were only doing their job…) That was the most horrid thing I have ever heard, and I felt absolutely helpless. And the worst part was that it was not successful and they had to come back and do it again! (I didn’t stay for the second round).

    I’m so glad that you’re both OK (although clearly a bit traumatized). Hugs mamma. He’s a strong little boy and this time next year, this will all be just a faded memory.

    • April 19, 2016 at 11:56 am

      It’s never fun no matter how many days you come back for and yes the spinal tap was awful. I didn’t watch, but I was there…..I saw “some”of it…..My heart broke for Parker xo

  3. April 19, 2016 at 11:31 am

    Aw, seriously my heart was breaking reading this and just so glad Parker is OK. Hugs mama and once again you amaze me through and through <3

    • April 19, 2016 at 11:55 am

      Thanks love, No clue how I’m surviving but we have no other choice! xo

  4. Anonymous
    April 19, 2016 at 11:37 am

    I’m so glad to hear Parker is OK! Stay strong, Lindsay!

  5. April 19, 2016 at 11:39 am

    You put every ounce of your pain, our pain, and you write so beautifully. Yes, the spinal tap was unbearable but Parker was and is a trooper , a fighter
    And one of us! I mean what other preemie flips the bird? Xoxoxoxo

    • April 19, 2016 at 11:54 am

      I just added the poop and finger part! thanks for being there for me then and always xoxoxo

      • April 19, 2016 at 12:28 pm

        Great!!!!! He’s a very wise baby!

  6. Diane Tortorello
    April 19, 2016 at 11:41 am

    Wow! My heart breaks for you for having to go back to NICU, but sings after reading and finding out he’s home again. I can’t imagine how hard it was to return to a place you were hoping to be free from. When my daughter was one we went on a family trip to Disney and she got sick and it ended up being a UTI. We took her to an ER and they had to do a catheter to get a sample and it killed me to see her little face when then did it. Your heart and soul are pillars of strength and Parker is a super hero. Hugs to you.

    • April 19, 2016 at 11:54 am

      Oh man I had on once in Disney too!!!! AWFUL and trust me I feel your pain…..watching your kids hurt I’m learning is the hardest thing to watch…..Hugs back! xo

  7. Robert Nielsen
    April 19, 2016 at 12:11 pm

    Wow so sorry for your ordeal. Glad that Parker is alright. I know the feeling of not knowing what’s wrong with your child as our son Dylan did not get diagnosed with Autism until he was seven and half.

  8. Barbara J. Levin O'Riordan
    April 19, 2016 at 12:23 pm

    Oh. My. God. I am SO glad that Parker is home again. One good thing about events like this is that when they over, they are on the past and done.

  9. April 19, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    What an ordeal you have to go through. I think ‘strong’ really runs in your family 😉 all.the.way!
    I am glad you could you on your first walk together, it was such a beautiful weekend, too.

  10. Maureen Pierson
    April 19, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    This sounds really terrible. I felt your pain as I was reading it. Let’s hope that is the last time you go for anything other than a routine visit. I am sure Karen spread her joyous spirit over you both. xo

  11. Melissa Franco Donnelly
    April 19, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    LIndsay!! I just cried all over myself. My heart just broke into a billion pieces for you and Parker. I don’t know why you are being tested this way?? All I can say is that you are an amazingly strong woman … fierce and filled with love. Praying this was your last test for a very, very long time. Sending love to you, Mike and your precious baby son. His cheeks are really filling out!!! Love you. Xo

  12. Karim Rochelle
    April 19, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    My prayers are with you, Lindsay. Your baby is so very very beautiful.

  13. Jackie Ginex
    April 19, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    Awe sweetie, I am so sorry you had to go through that! So glad he is home now!! Xoxox

  14. April 21, 2016 at 10:09 am

    Oh my!! And an IV in his scalp?!?!?!? WTF?!?! Anyway, I think motherhood teaches all of us that we are stronger than we could have ever imagined before. I’m so sorry you had to go through that awful week, but so glad Parker is healthy and you are back home. Congrats not he new house, too!

  15. michelle
    May 8, 2016 at 8:43 am

    I worked in neo-natal intensive care at UMDNJ for 13 years. It was the most meaningful work I have ever done. I am humbled by the specialists and parents whose hearts and minds were dedicated to the healthy survival of these fragile neonates. It was agonizing to watch and bear witness to what these babies had to endure. And to see them finally go home to their parents- ecstasy with a measure of fear. Lucky Parker. Such a wonderful family. Happy Mothers Day, Lindsay.

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