I remember I had this one moment, sometime after my son was born during a yoga class, with mirrors, and I didn’t know who the reflection was looking back at me. I knew who I was before I was pregnant, I had some time, but got used to the person I became while pregnant, but who was this woman? New, well, everything. From my appearance, to my heart, to the layers of my soul, I was reborn.
From a very unique start, with my son being born prematurely and in the NICU for close to a month, I began to take on new layers to my soul, every hour, and every minute. Never ever had I felt so much at one time. Fear, excitement, shock, sometimes I look back and still think of it as giant storm that I sifted my way through changing me then, and still changing me now.
Then, on the flip side, there are times I can be in my car listening to music and have my mind wander off into someone I once was. Music is my passion, so it’s no wonder it can touch my soul so much, but now it almost feels weird. A song can play taking me back to who I was, a lonely, work-a-holic wishing for love, wishing for children, and it takes my breath away. I was once someone longing for the life I am now in. I can peel back the layers and remember who I was, while being instantly thankful I became this new entity, all in the same breath. It’s liberating, and emotional….
There are also times I miss who I was. I miss those rock hard abs, or those lean toned arms. I miss the freedom and the ability to do what I want anytime and any where. But as much as I miss those layers of my being, I also feel grateful they are behind me. It’s such an odd revelation to know that you are in a position that took you decades of wishing to get to. It makes you realize that you will one day miss this “new” person as well. You will miss the new mom layers, the little rolls you thought were fat when you are pregnant again one day, and very large, missing your body again, and the pure fact that everything and I mean EVERYTHING with my son, is brand new. I will one day miss this person, this person I am still getting to know, just as I miss my free spirited athletic gypsy soul from to time.
It’s all part of it though. The missing, the wishing, and the gratitude. As long as you can find the gratitude. It’s just beyond amazing to me though, that I can realize I made it to one of my dream positions in life. It wasn’t an easy road on ANY level, but the journey is what created the layers of my soul. I will forever be peeling off layers that make me me, but more importantly adding new fresh ones to create the bigger picture.
It’s a wonderful, hard, exciting, and insanely changing world we live in, so don’t forget to be thankful for your present being, it’s who you are today that shapes who you become tomorrow.
Rock. Your. Life.
Namaste, and Rock On!