Today is the date my daughter was supposed to be born, and just like with Parker, it has me laughing in its face. Both of my kids have taught me that life truly does happen when you surrender to the unknown, and both children came at their own time, not on their due dates.
I have to thank my daughter, the universe, and probably my progesterone shots for helping my daughter cook to mostly “full term”, being born into this world at 37 weeks. I can’t lie, I was pretty scared this entire pregnancy. When I hit the weekend that Parker was born, and she didn’t come, I did breathe a little easier, but I was never fully “OK”. I just had to make the most out of my situation, and hope for the best, like anyone would’ve.
I think one of the most ironic feelings was being scared of a tiny preemie baby, than getting diagnosed with gestational diabetes, and being scared of a large baby?! What a catch 22! Again, it was out of my control. All I could do, was surrender to the unknown, and do my best to keep my diet in check, and baby girl healthy.
As humans, we love to control EVERYTHING. We’d love to pick when we get pregnant, when the baby will be born, when our maternity leave will be matching to the best season, man the list goes on, we are all guilty of it. For nine months, I reminded myself every single day that my daughter’s birth was out of my control. Both of my children were created with the help of fertility hormones, acupuncture, and magic, and just as difficult as it was to get pregnant, it was equally difficult to be “ok” when I finally was pregnant. Of course I was happy and tried to live my life as normal as possible, but in the back of my mind, as happy as I was to get pregnant, I was also scared. Not with my first, just with this pregnancy, because the birth of my son had changed me to the core so much.
As I’ve mentioned before, I actually wouldn’t change a thing about either pregnancy. With Parker, as traumatic as it was for me, it was also healing, and made me stronger than I ever knew I was. We also met the best nurses and doctors who became our extended family. With my daughter, she saved me from the last VERY uncomfortable weeks of pregnancy, and every blood level check and crappy food I put into my mouth, has all been forgotten. All I feel is relief, and oh so tired bliss.
So even though her due date is here, and I had wished so much to make it to full, full term, I am taught and was taught, every single day, to always surrender to the unknown. Boy when you can do that, for even a minute, or five, your soul can find a bit of peace, and “normalcy”, whatever that is for you…..
Namaste, and Rock On!