Well my friends, my maternity leave is now REALLY close….I’m not one to date anything this pregnancy, but I’ll just say that, it’s REALLY close. There were more times that I could remember this pregnancy thinking to myself, “How will I make it that long?”. Obviously, I want to make it as long as possible pregnancy wise, but I didn’t know how I’d physically handle working nights, pregnant, all with a one year old at home and under my care all day long. But, like any battle, I fought it, and my pot of gold is getting so, so very close.
But, with everything getting more real, and the baby getting closer to arrival, of course my emotions and fears are definitely suffocating me from time to time. For the most part, I literally try to numb my brain. If I were to think about everything going on, and what “could” happen, I’d probably have a panic attack in seconds. So, I block it. I’m not one to block my feelings either, but I just don’t want to feel these emotions of fear. I want to hold on to hope, and take one day at a time. When I’m really scared, lately, I go into my daughter’s finished nursery, and I feel the light, love, and happiness.
Similarly, as being someone who doesn’t block their feelings, I’m also not one to hide things. Sure, I’m being VAGUE to everyone about this pregnancy, but that’s just my way of coping with it all. Recently though, I’ve been handed a new journey to travel on that I thought might send me off a cliff, but as always, I’m handling it, and just focusing on the silver lining, and prize at the end, my daughter.
I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Sure it’s common, even more common for “oldies” like me over 35 years (what a world). I was shocked in the fact that I truly do lead a healthy lifestyle, and do NOT eat junk food at all. But, this too was and is out of my control to get. Apparently it has to do with my placenta. Dang placenta, dang hormones. So, it intimidated me at first, and well still does, because it’s a LOT of food prep/planning at a time in my life when I don’t feel like thinking, but I’m managing it the best I can. The thing with me is, whenever I’m handed any type of playing card, I play it hard and I play it well. I am taking this VERY seriously, and my blood levels so far have been totally normal and where they should be, and that’s all I can do.
Is it a pain in the A*S??? YES!!!! A part of me wishes I had eaten fries, ice cream and pizza prior to finding out, but I didn’t. A treat for me was “Halo” (protein filled) ice cream sometimes on Sunday nights. I’m not even kidding, I really ate, and eat well. But, all I can do is move forward. It’s not the end of the world, and it certainly isn’t the first time someone has it. I’m just trying to get by without thinking too much about it, or my past pregnancy, and focus on the now. The NOW, is a time where my baby girl’s nursery is done, I’m close to being off of work until further notice, and our family will become fulfilled before the end of the year….
I’m telling you, I have never walked an easy path in my life, but boy have I made it it to the end of each rainbow. I have my support system/family to thank for their love a long the way. In fact, last weekend I had a very intimate sprinkle with just some of my closest friends, and my immediate family. It was one of the best days of my life, surrounded by so much love, light, and protection. Truly, that’s all that matters in this life, to be loved, and to give love. I am loved. My husband is loved. My son is loved. And our baby girl? She is loved, so, so loved, and protected, especially by her mama who will do, and is doing everything in my power to keep us both happy and healthy. All you need is love.
Rock on, and Namaste!