No two pregnancies are alike

I’ve heard it time and time again, but lately I keep wondering to myself about if and when, I were to become pregnant again.  It sounds crazy right?  My son, Parker, born at 32 weeks, is JUST starting to smile, making the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and the eating machine of a human he is seem a little bit easier?   Why oh why would I be thinking of doing it all over again already?  But, I am.

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I’m 37 years old, and it wasn’t the easiest road to get pregnant to begin with.  It wasn’t by any means the hardest, it was our road.  Naturally, I’m starting to already have fears about doing it all again.   No two pregnancies are the same though, right?  That’s the advice I’d tell my friends, and have told my friends, so why is it so hard to convince my own mind?

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Being a NICU mother, my world was rocked from everything I thought would happen, to nothing happening “according to plan”.  I got through it, I know I could do it again, but why does it scare the SH*T out of me?  Mostly, because next time I wouldn’t be able to spend all day and all night with the baby in the NICU, I’d have another baby at home.  I remember the mothers who brought in their baby’s siblings, and couldn’t stay the hours I was there for, my heart hurt for them, even if they were OK, I just feel, I feel it all.

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It’s crazy how when life is a bit more calm, our human brains already start to fear something else. What I need to do instead of worry, is know that I will be high risk, I will do my best to research ways of not going into preterm labor, and heck I will PRAY I even get pregnant again!  The NICU taught me to live one day at a time, but I can’t help but already worry about the “next possibility”…..

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When I was having a hard time getting pregnant sometimes I would feel jealous of women who had an easy time, similarly, I keep seeing babies born at 40 weeks and I can’t help but feel a little jealous again….It’s an awful feeling, and I squish it by reassuring myself that my path was in fact, my path, but it does creep its ugly head out sometimes to scare me or upset me.  Our brains are really quite interesting aren’t they?  They can be our best friends, and biggest cheerleaders one minute, then our worst enemies the next.

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I had an ultra sound a week and a half before Parker was born, and nothing came up to warn us about his preterm birth.  BUT, that being said, I felt him coming that following week, I just didn’t know it…..On top of being stressed out about moving into a new house, and stressed in general about having a preterm baby, it’s almost like I knew it would happen.   Next time around I’m going to have to do a lot of role reversal psychology and think about my baby coming late?!

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No two pregnancies are alike, no two babies are alike, no two mothers are alike.  All you can do is know yourself, your baby, and your body.  I am already scared about how long it will take to get pregnant, and what will happen during that pregnancy, and you know what, it’s ok, it’s even better to talk about it.  I’m more aware this time of EVERYTHING, and hopefully just hopefully that alone can give me some peace of mind and body….

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Tamara Camera Photography

And on that note, I’m going to just enjoy the gift of life called my son, and hope he becomes a big brother one day, and maybe he’s just here to solve world peace, or be the next REAL president, and whatever the reason is and was, he’s here on his own time, and we are beyond lucky.  Stay at bay my inner fears, I have a huge support system to scare you away….

How do you talk your mind out of being more at peace versus scared from your past experiences?

Namaste, and Rock On!

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Tamara Camera Photography

  18 Replies to “No two pregnancies are alike”

  1. Liv
    June 24, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    They’re really not. And I can’t blame you now that the crisis has past for thinking about it again. Good luck!

  2. June 24, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    Aw, love this and as the mom to two girls, only a year apart couldn’t have said it better if I tried about two pregnancies or babies, too being alike as bot my own pregnancies and babies only a little ov r a year apart couldn’t have been more different if I tried. So totally agree!!!

    • July 1, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      That’s good to hear though,I pray for two DIFFERENT everythings:) xo

  3. Unk
    June 24, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    Beautiful pictured of you all, especially the :)! Great seeing yoU

    • July 1, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Loved seeing you, and miss you as always already!

  4. Elena Mastroianni
    June 24, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Loved looking at all the pictures. Carefully read your comments. What will be, will be. ❤️

    • July 1, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      And this I know, but of course always easier to tell then hear yourself;)

  5. Cheryl matarazzo
    June 24, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Awe you can do this Lindsey. This was beautiful. Think of all the fun you will have trying 😊. Best of luck and I’m sure Parker will be a big brother real soon. No 2 are ever alike all will work itself out. God has a plan. Positive thoughts only. Looking forward to hearing the positive results real soon.

    Cheryl matarazzo

  6. Chrissy
    June 24, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    It is what it is. Before I knew about my pregnancy, I was trying so hard to be happy, and I was so angry and hated where I was. Once I found out about her, I realized this is what is supposed to happen. So I focused on her. What was supposed to happen did, life got better, and I just don’t care anymore about the stupid stuff that consumed me.

    I try to just focus on being here. Life is good. I have goals I need to reach and they’re all around my little one. And if (and when) it happens again, it will be better because you are better.

    YOU, Miss Mama, will be better.

    • July 1, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Aw, thank you my twin soul sister!!!! You are absolutely right that life is GOOD, and we have so much new meaning to both of ours;) love you!

  7. June 24, 2016 at 7:53 pm

    I just realized in the last photo that he has his head near your heart. Awww..
    I still get jealous when I see people bring home their full-term babies within two days, and not spend a week in the NICU while doctors look for phantom illnesses.
    And yes, it’s scary having one in the NICU and one at home..

    But…..BABIES.

    • July 1, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      Definitely BABIES! I remember your experience and thinking “how the heck did she do it”…It’s amazing what our bodies/minds can do in a crisis!

  8. Tina Hamilton
    June 24, 2016 at 8:58 pm

    Think of it this way..if you had a “normal” pregnancy and Parker came around his set due date, you wouldn’t have had this eye opening experience. You wouldn’t have met all the people you did in the NICU. Maybe you wouldn’t have realized just how strong your support system is if Parker had been full term or even realized how strong YOU and your hubby are. Maybe you wouldn’t have been the inspiration that you are to other mommas to be that are high risk and have a chance at delivering pre term. It’s all meant to be, even if it isn’t easy or it’s scary. Parker is healthy and strong and you guys survived, which means you can do anything! 💕

    • July 1, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      Thank you Tina, that was a beautiful and AMAZINGLY positive statement! I hope to help other mamas out there, for I will be high risk and know the fears and strengths one needs now;)
      xoxo

  9. Donna
    June 26, 2016 at 6:30 am

    My soul sister,
    No two days are ever a like, let alone babies, pregnancies, husbands, feelings, fears and the list goes on and on.

    There is always a benefit to every struggle..
    The reward comes…I know you know this now.

    A wise person told me once, thar fear and excitement are one in the same emotion. It’s what I choose to label it.

    Your life will go exactly how it’s supposed to go. Tell the universe what you want most, not what you fear. It will hear you. So with each fear, with each doubt ….kick that fears ass with love and happiness!!

    You know how I feel about you!

    Donna

    • July 1, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      My person,
      Beautifully said, and I coudn’t have gotten through what I did and do without you. We were destined to meet, and I WILL tell the universe what I want most!!! xoxo

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