You know that saying “no two pregnancies are alike”?? Well, the same goes for babies as well..
From day one with my son, I had to learn how to be separated from him. Since he was born two months early, he was literally taken from me right after birth. Boy was that a tough pill to swallow, and I was DEFINITELY not prepared for it. But, we adjusted our brains, lives, and hearts when the time came to do so.
My daughter was born at 37 weeks, and with zero NICU stay AND considered full term, the experience was a 180 from my first. Both had their advantages, and I like to think of my somewhat traumatic experience in the NICU, a gift to my soul now, and who I have become.
With my son, he had to learn how to suck outside the womb, something full term babies learn still in utero. At first, the pacifier was like winning the lottery! The bottle came next, and the breast followed. He never really nursed 100%, so he was mostly pumped for. It was hard. But, I also had my freedom. I truly believe that being separated from day one has given my son a huge sense of independence, and me as well. I was able to return back to work, run errands, feel like a mother with the ability to leave if I needed to…something I don’t have this time around.
Emersyn took to the breast from the first few minutes of her life, something I hadn’t known before, and was insanely happy about. We did supplement her in the hospital due to my gestational diabetes and sugar levels, but when we came home, I never introduced a bottle again…..until I did….
I was so petrified of ruining a good thing, breastfeeding, that I waited about two months to try and introduce a bottle to Emmy. Even though she had taken it the first two days of her life, she STILL refuses it to this day! I’m not forcing it, I have the ability to nurse her 100% of the time, but it definitely sometimes scares me.
For example, I was in the ER about a month ago and didn’t know when I’d return home. You better believe I was beyond scared about how my baby would eat with me being gone so long. I also have DJ gigs coming up where I’ll be gone for quite some time…..so, I guess if she’s hungry enough, eventually she’ll take it.
The bottom line is, sometimes I joke that the umbilical chord hasn’t been cut yet with my daughter. She IS only four months old, but we are mostly inseparable. She is hooked on mommy, and as hard as it is, I’m also hooked on her.
It’s really “hard” right now, not having the ability to do the things I used to do, the freedom, or having to take my copilot everywhere I go, especially if it’s far away. BUT, I also sort of love it…..
In some ways, I think the universe handed me one experience that had its challenges, and this next one that is COMPLETELY the opposite, because well, that’s life. No two pregnancies, children, people, passions, etc etc are alike. We are all unique, and so are our experiences, hopes, and journeys. It’s actually pretty epic that life can be so insanely opposite and similar at the exact same time, it’s poetic really…..
One day I’ll look back on these days and wish I could be sleepless and attached to my daughter and son again. Sometimes the “days are long and the years are short”, but it’s all so, so, good. It makes me feel alive, with a purpose. It makes me feel, like a mom.
Namaste, and Rock On!