Do you ever just stop dead in your tracks and think back on the paths that led you to your present, and wonder how the heck you got there?! I’m not talking about the physical you, that of course is “there”. I mean the mental you, who you were, and who you are today, it’s all such a journey and a beautiful metamorphosis.
I was taking a yoga class earlier this week and the music took me back to who I was, as did the environment. I could feel how I felt years ago in that same room, with that same music, but yet EVERYTHING had changed in just a short amount of time. At first I felt a little sad, I missed who I was. It’s okay to miss pieces of ourselves, our lives, and our journeys, but more so, I was grateful. The thing is, when I start to feel a little sad about a job, or journey I was on that I defeated, I ground myself by remembering the person I am missing, was dreaming about the person I became.
I loved my journey, and still love my journey. But, I can remember this empty feeling in my stomach and my heart that didn’t go away, until I found my family. I yearned for them. Even though I had on a happy face as I stayed up late, jumped out of planes, attended rock concerts, got a few tattoos, drank wine like it was water, I was a little sad on the inside too. I didn’t feel complete. Something was missing, and that something was my family.
When you’re in it, and I’m “in it”, you tend to miss the days of staying up and staying out late, and not having to be responsible for tiny humans (and big ones), but it’s superficial. The real stuff, the real living, is who is in your life. My children and my husband filled the void of a lonely heart, and when it’s crazy (daily), I remind myself that this life, was one I manifested for many, many, years.
And it’s not just the partying, it’s the career stuff too. You all know by now that I’ve been missing my On-Air days, but I truly feel I can manifest that as well. As my husband’s doctor told me today, “Enjoy the kiddos now, there’s always time for you later”. She’s right you know? We are never fully gone, even though we may not recognize ourselves in the mirror, we are still in there. I know I’m still in there. That energetic, cross-fit loving, workout-a-holic, full of life girl, she’s still in me somewhere, I just have more important things to do “right now”. And this life, has SO much more meaning and purpose.
Phases of life can change just as quick as they come. My kids are truly only little once, and I will be in nursing school for a glimpse of that time. I now try to invent new dreams for the new me, and although I miss the girl I once was, I’m way more fulfilled and proud of the woman I have become.
Do you miss yourself sometimes? How do you talk yourself into embracing the new?
Namaste, and Rock On!