I’ve been thinking about who I am, and who I was a lot lately. I’m sure any sleep deprived hormonal mom/dad/person can relate. When we become a parent, our lives are ROCKED to the core. You’ve heard about it, and then you learn it. You are forever changed.
For me, I started to really notice a HUGE change in my needs/wants/personality when Parker was born. It’s not rocket science, he was my first born, and I’d never be the same. Not only was I a mother, but his birth was a bit traumatic coming into this world two months early, which led me down more unique paths and personality building skills as a whole. I remember the shift as if it were yesterday. In fact, today, it was 22 months ago. Happy 22 months Parker!
When I learned that I was pregnant again with my daughter, I noticed even more changes occurring in my mind/body. It’s all pretty normal. But it still sometimes makes me miss the “old” me, who was actually quite young!
I dreamt about becoming a Radio DJ, I did it. I dreamt about getting married, I did it. I dreamt about having kids, I did it! I dreamt about owning a house, we have one! I still have a list of dreams to conquer, but sometimes I just stop dead in my tracks and truly take note of what I DO have, and who I once was. Lately, it seems very relevant.
Mostly, the things that used to be okay before I was a wife, mother, and mother of a son AND daughter, are not now, and THAT is okay. I’m not who I was then. My priorities aren’t the same, my schedule, my lifestyle, so how could it all be the same? It’s not, no actually it’s quite different, and sometimes it makes me sad, but mostly I just know that it’s all part of my lifelong journey, and my lifelong journey to self.
When you become a mother, EVERYTHING changes. Some things you may not like so much, but most things just come with the territory. For me right now, I’m really diving into what used to be okay, isn’t anymore. In addition, what I thought defined me, doesn’t anymore. I have grown as a person in so, so many ways. Sometimes I mourn the past, who I was, and what made me happy, but in my heart, this is who I wanted to be, and I’m embracing the change as best as I can.
Many parents have to make shifts and changes in their lifestyles when their kids are born, because what used to work, just doesn’t anymore. The hardest part about doing this for me, is that I had SO many years doing things one way getting married later in life, and a huge history in who I once was. But as sad as it is to change the things that were once important to me, it’s also inevitable, and growth.
So, if you’re like me, and maybe have two babies, or two under two, just saying…..Know that you are not alone. The new life or new plans may seem “old”, or responsible, difficult, etc…..But the new you, is one freaking rockstar. There is NOTHING in this world more important than family to me, and I’ll take every change that comes my way because of it.
Good bye the Lindsay that was, and hello the Lindsay I was always meant to be……..
Namaste, and rock on!