And just like that, it’s a new phase of life….

I’ve had a knot in my stomach for the past two weeks.  For anyone who has given birth, and then had to return to work soon after, you know what I’m talking about.  It is true that my work’s hours are phenomenal for motherhood, and it’s also true that I love my job, but I still have that growing knot, it feels like MAJOR Sunday blues.

13164476_10154182934573659_7966839365016275057_n

I spent the first month of my son Parker’s life in the NICU, and yes, that included my maternity leave.  It wasn’t ideal, but it was what we were handed, so survival mode set in, and we found ourselves in a pattern and a routine, in this new phase of life.

13239153_10154181726568659_7270891032693633343_n

When my son came home for the SECOND time at the NICU, we closed on our new home and moved.  We found ourselves in yet ANOTHER new phase of life.

13173796_10154174074608659_8805687811021804803_n-2

When it came to 5/6, my son’s actual due date, the pediatrician encouraged me to exclusively breastfeed my son, and then again, we found ourself in a new phase of life.  To be honest, it was like starting over.  He went from sleeping 3-4 hours a night with the pumped bottle feeds, and NICU “ish” routine, to sleeping 1-2-sometimes, 3 hours a night.  But, again, we got used to this new phase of life.

13221619_10154170068258659_2409903127167659831_n

On Tuesday, I go back on the air at WDHA.  The last time I was on the air, I never returned.  My pre labor started during my show, and I had Parker two days later in the hospital.  It’s going to be very, very, weird to be back.  Then again, we will adjust to a new phase of life.

13265882_10154189675418659_2901455633320441220_n

Humans are products of routines by nature, so of course know I will be fine, and get used to another phase, but I can’t help but think about this knot in my stomach, which is knowing that I have to leave my baby, again…..

13238858_10154189991588659_4450334685141078694_n

Truthfully, the NICU prepared me for “leaving” my child.  I went there every morning, and left late at night.  I got used to it, as much as one can get used to, leaving.  But just like I got used to that, now I’m used to having him with me 24/7, for most of the time. He’s my baby, and not just my baby, NOW he’s a newborn, and NOW I have to return to work.  Sure, I am thankful that I love my job, but I’m also very emotional and upset with our system.  Not getting paid yet by the state truly has added to my frustration as well.

13244651_10154185976548659_816105288526626350_n

The past two months have had more happen then I’ve had in years.  I find myself thinking about it, and wondering, what the F*ck just happened.  But, as I have done the past two months, and what anyone does in a situation out of their control, I will find my survival mode button, turn it on, and go.  I will get used to a new routine, this new phase of our life.  My husband will adjust to being home with the baby while I’m at work, it’s just what we have to do.  I know if I never went back to work I’d miss being a DJ, but knowing I’m going back to work, it makes me miss this chapter of my life, bonding with my son.

13267746_10154204142958659_2703424401307876011_n

It’s been an insane few months, and it will change every day, every week, but I’m thankful at the end of the day, that we continue to breathe and make it thru each new phase, each new challenge and chapter of our life, as a family of three.

13220806_10154189946083659_2817908900260360506_n

I will feel this knot in my stomach.  I will cry with this knot in my stomach.  I will miss my son when I go to work, but I will come home and hug him and love him until the next day when I need to go back to work.  I will cherish every single day and moment I have with him, as I was taught to do with a premie in the NICU since day one.  So many lessons, and so much growth, I welcome next week with an open heart, teary eyes, and new challenges….until the next maternity leave……

13241304_10154199475793659_979836473699607519_n

Namaste, and Rock On!

Photography in this blog by Fordyce Studio and my sister, Tamara Camera Photography.

  7 Replies to “And just like that, it’s a new phase of life….”

  1. May 28, 2016 at 6:33 pm

    Parker has two parents who will be with him all the time and grandparents who will love to babysit , myself included! You will rock this as will Parker!

  2. Elena Mastroianni
    May 28, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    You have all come so far! Parker looks happy, content and his Ma and Pa bursting with love!

    Going back to work is another bump in the road, but it is a job you love and your other “family”. You will find your co-workers supportive, caring, and bugging you to see pictures of Parker, your new house, etc.

    Best of luck and good wishes as you move onto the next stage in your life. 😀

    Hugs to all.

    Elena

  3. Jackie Ginex
    May 28, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    You will rock the working mommy! It will keep you as you and that is the best mommy you could be to him!

  4. Donna
    May 28, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    Lindsay,

    You are amaze balls! Stronger and braver than you know.

    The first day is the hardest…I found each time I left, the pain in my heart lessened. My kids are who they are today because I work…they had Daddy time without me being a “Mom”

    I’m here for you always in all ways ….just reach out your hand, I’m there. Promise.

    My forever friend and soul sister. I love you

  5. May 28, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    Aw, I left my first to return to teaching when she was only 7 weeks and still remember how emotional I was over it so many years now after. It does get easier, but not going to lie that first day and few days after were hard. Sending hugs and promise it will indeed get easier as time goes on.

  6. Liv
    May 29, 2016 at 7:16 am

    I’ve had that knot three times. It will get easier. Hugs Lindsay!

  7. May 29, 2016 at 7:17 am

    You really rocked those past few months (more than two, really) and you are right – humans will adapt to just about everything. Which, for the most part, is a good thing. Thanks for continuing to spreading positive thoughts, manifested by: ‘…until the next maternity leave……’ 🙂

    Have a great Sunday/Monday and first day back at work!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.